Life In The Now

I'm sorry I have not updated in months. I want to thank everyone who has helped me through the tough times I've been through. It is hard for me to ask and accept help and I want everyone who has helped to know I do appreciate it. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life. Thank you also for the prayers and love sent my way. Financial troubles regarding medical bills are decreasing, which I am so thankful to many for.

In the last few months my life has gotten much busier. I accepted a job with the St. George News and since then I have been busier than ever.  My ability to report news has expanded and I am continually learning how to become a better journalist. My dream is to become one of the best. That will definitely take a lot of time and experience, but I look forward to it. Anyone interested in reading what I write can visit www.stgeorgeutah.com or "like" St. George News on Facebook. We are an online news outlet.

Also since the last time I updated I have been working out more than I ever have in a long time. I have gotten in the best shape of my life since high school. I have gotten to my high school junior weight. It's nice to get to a healthy weight instead of a weight that makes me look sick as I did when I lost weight in the hospital back in November. I have been going to a personal training group and doing grueling workouts that get my heart rate up and put me in the best shape. I am running often and preparing to run in an obstacle course race called a "Spartan Sprint."

I am told my kidney function is lower than 100 percent, but I don't really notice much of a difference other than being more tired and exhausted than I used to get. I will push my limit as much as I can before I can't handle anymore. I don't see the reason to let anything get me down even if my health is changing. I visited my nephrologist in September and my kidney function has improved a little bit, which I am grateful for. I know it is because I have been living a healthy lifestyle. I am so blessed for that as I am blessed for many things in my life.

The pill, which I have been prescribed to take daily and is supposed to shrink the tumors within my body over time costs $10,000 per month. I was told that rarely do patients who have been prescribed the medication have to pay much for it.  The maximum amount is $25 co-pay for the medication. I had to pay $12.50 one time and since have had to pay $0 because the insurance company has covered the entire bill. They said in 6-12 months the pill should show significant changes. I will proceed to have MRI's routinely every 6 months and be monitored regarding side effects of the medication every few months. So grateful for this. It has its side effects, but for the most part I am still operating normally as before.

The news of finding out I may never bear children was hard at first, but I know if God feels it is right he will make it possible. Since the pill causes birth defects as a side effect, I am advised to not get pregnant while on the pill. Of course I have yet to find the future man of my children for that to be remotely close to happening :) .. I am grateful to know that the next few years if my kidneys function better and the medication helps then there will still be a chance for me to experience that. I know I will be a mother either way though.

Other changes are my move to St. George, which will be complete by next week. My job takes me to St. George three days per week. I am finding I do majority of my work there. I was covering events and news in Cedar City area, but two reporters will remain in Cedar City as I make the move to St. George. I am excited for this new location and adventure.

I am blessed for the people in my life, my Savior, my Heavenly Father and my family.

Love you all,

Holly

The Blessing Of An Accident

If you haven't read about my first blog about the accident, my blog about my disease and about God taking care of me I will try to help you understand all what I'm about to share today....

I was born with a rare disease called Tuberous Sclerosis, also known as TSC (Tuberous Sclerosis Complex). My brother, Ashley has this condition also. My parents have the recessive gene. The disease causes benign tumors in multiple body organs including brain, eyes, heart, lungs, kidneys and liver. It also brings the appearance of skin tag type lesions in various places. A lot of people say they never notice them, but if you see close you can see i do have some on my face. The appearance of such things can be eliminated with pricey laser surgery, but only to grow and return eventually.. Throughout grade school I used to be more self-contious of my appearance, but God created me beautiful. I don't need any adjustment.

  I had seizures when I was a few months old because of the condition. I received shots, which eliminated them completely to this day. Since the tumors are benign they are not cancerous, but can effect the organ it sits in. My brother's tumors in the brain are in the reasoning portion, which has caused limitation to his understanding in some areas. We both have tumors in the kidneys, eyes and I have recently come to the knowledge that within the last seven years tumors have appeared in my liver. I have lived a normal life where I competed in sports, made honor roll in high school, graduated college, served a mission and have started my journey to my dream to become an amazing journalist. My brother struggled a little more than me attending special ed, not able to serve a full-time mission and not attend college, but that doesnt mean he's not amazing. He rides his bike in sprinkler boots for miles.. He can ride 50-100 miles a day. He is still the most amazing person in the world to me. He does so much for people, works hard and is the biggest sweetheart. TSC affects each person differently as you can see.

My brother's kidneys are normal size, mine are about six centimeters bigger than his and any normal kidney. He has a tumor that blood vessles are feeding on and causing high blood pressure, so he takes medication to keep that at bay. My kidneys have tumors that cause my kidneys to grow. I had a tumor the size of seven centimeters that burst when I had a wreck on my snowboard in November. As my nephrologist mentioned today that it burst in attempt to almost kill me but failed. In 2007, I had a MRI on my kidneys and since over the course of the years no change had taken affect and I was functioning normally I never returned to get an MRI until after my accident in November 2013 when I caught an edge on my snowboard, which lacerated my kidney and bruised my left lung. After a blood transfusion, oxygen, months of iron supplements and taking other vitamins I was getting back to normal or so I thought. In January, my nephrologist mentioned a pill that could shrink my tumors but cause quite the amount of side effects.. I felt scared and uncertain and not feeling that was the right decision. It was only today that after another MRI was observed that I had done in June that the pill was the answer to help me live a long happy life. The results of the MRI proved that since the last MRI in 2007 my kidneys had grown five centimeters because of the tumors and appearance of tumors in the liver for the first time were being seen. I was told my kidney function is noticeably decreasing. I know it is subtle because I feel relatively normal. My nephrologist then brought up the pill he suggested me take when I visited in January. My mom was there to help me understand and know what to do. This pill, developed five years ago, is made to decrease the size of tumors and must be taken lifelong... I was told because my kidneys are growing, the tumors are somehow growing and increasing, that my kidney function is decreasing that I should not ever let myself get pregnant........ This KILLED ME... All my life I have dreamed to have the experience of pregnancy.. to have a baby, to raise a baby that has similar features as me. I know I am to still have the chance to become a mom and have children. Because of the pressure on the body during pregnancy, kidneys go through much during pregnancy. It would be life threatening to me. Previously, regarding the pill, I was told I could stop taking it to get pregnant when I choose to and reconvene with the dose after the baby was born. One side effect to the pill is birth defects in the fetus during pregnancy, but this time after seeing how enlarged my kidneys currently are and the current activity in the liver, I was told "Do not get pregnant" at all because of the severe health risks that could result in death. "The bursting of the tumor tried to kill you and it failed," my nephrologist said regarding my accident. "But others could burst and succeed."Another side effect from the pill is the weakening of my immune system, but if I dont take the pill my kidneys and my other organs with the tumors are open to failure. I was scared, uncertain and feeling that I could just die either way. My mom then comforted me and said, "If I were in your shoes I'd do it. It will save your life and you could live a long life." I then decided to take the pill knowing that my chances of living longer would increase although my chances of experiencing pregnancy are zero. I know I will still have the chance to be a mother through adoption or marriage to someone who has beautiful kids that I can call my own. Still this news has brought me sadness, I know God allows things to happen for a reason. He has a great plan for me. He saved me in that accident. If it weren't for the accident I would have no idea how serious my health is. He gave me a chance to live on.. That accident was a blessing in disguise. I am so grateful to be alive. This day has definitely been a tough one with this news.. but I am so thankful for my family and friends that have given me love and support through this news. I also want my brother, Ashley to know I love him and that I think he is the most amazing guy. No one can stop us to fulfill our dreams on Earth no matter what! 

I am a beautiful daughter of God. He saved my life. I was making decisions I knew were not the best and I know the accident was His way of saying "Holly, get your act together because I need you here!" It was such a blessing and because of that I will never settle for less and I will continue to reach for my dreams. Love the life you live. I am so blessed with so many in my life. 

Why Not Today?

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death." I'm not sure who said it, but it's too often that we all have something we fear. I have discovered some I never thought I had. After my snowboarding accident in November that caused a lacerated kidney and bruised lung my fear was to get back on a snowboard. I know it was my parents' fear also, but in March I conquered it. The key? Don't be a speed demon on the mountain, but take it easy and be cautious. That's a lesson I've found in life, too. One step and one day at a time. Since the accident, I have faced fears I realized I'd had for years. Last May I graduated from SUU, took a trip to Alaska on my own and worked there for five months. I faced a fear of going somewhere brand new to a job I'd never done while working and living with people I'd never met from all different backgrounds. To those who know me well I'm very outgoing and make friends easily. Those close friends and family say, "Holly knows everyone." I served a mission in Montana 5 years prior and being a journalist should scream complete confidence and social person! However, Alaska was still a different and growing experience. It was the start of finding and becoming who I am. My next experience following my accident was my new job in my career. I have been a reporter, editor, broadcaster and producer all while in school, but the real world is different. The job is more serious. Getting into it made me question if I was sure that is who I really was and it was time to find out. Prior to my accident I had been on a struggling path with some things in my life. The day after the accident as I lay in the hospital and months following, I've felt the miracle that God had given me. I often reflect back and know that I've been blessed. I know my Heavenly Father was telling me he needs me here for some special reason. I think a lot of all our fears is realizing our potential. God knows it and he wants us to know it, but we have to have that faith and trust in Him to help us find it and become it. I've seen what I can become and I admit it does scare me. I have feared having the ability to achieve it, but there have been so many inspirational people who have helped build me up to remember that I CAN become who God sees me to be. One person who has touched my life recently is Local Country Singer Eric Dodge. A short background on how Eric got started was an experience he had on a cruise ship on September 11, 2001. Fear struck people on the cruise ships that they could be the next for a target attack. Eric was encouraged by one of his brothers to sing Garth Brooks' song "The Dance." After he got up the courage and sang it, a woman gave him a hug and told him he should become a singer. Being on stage in front of people and singing had been Eric's fear for most his life, but he knew after that experience that that was what he was meant to do. Since then he has written and sung so many inspiring songs. Every performance he relates all inspiring stories that have led to writing a song, wearing dog tags to remember a solider and many more things he continues to do to serve and inspire others. On Saturday he dedicated his song "Life Is For The Living," to a dear friend of his, Ralyn Carter, who had suffered internal injuries after a motorcycle accident. As I felt a similar connection with Ralyn and Eric's message I was given an extra boost of confidence to what I know God has in store for me.  A few of the lyrics to this song I want to share are 'life is for the living if you're not embracing every moment you're wasting precious time. This ain't no dress rehearsal our time down here on earth.'  To me, the songs have related to me in so many ways including this portion from "Why Not Today?" 'This day I've been given is my day to start living so why not today? My past is behind me, tomorrow cant find me until I live today why not today while my heart is ready...'  God has sent angels to help us and I know Eric is one for many here. I am so grateful for his example he gives to others and me. He encourages his fans to wear a wrist band that says "Be a STAR- Why Not Today?" Star is an acronym meaning Smile, Talk, Accept and Reach Out. 

(Eric and I after the show)

In addition President Gordon B. Hinckley tells us "life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." and a quote "Happiness is an attitude not a destination." It's not always about us. To become who we are meant to be we help others on their journey as well. I know I have been guilty of wanting to be somewhere else or in some other job, but also after hearing Ann Romney speak at SUU's commencement and her saying we should be our best at our current job, I know that I am to be where I should be, currently. I know if I aspire to be the next Katie Couric, I can do it, but it takes time and experience. If I seek another dream to become a mom to amazing kids and a wife to a country boy or whomever else I fall in love with, it will happen. God knows best and he has sent people in our lives to help us enjoy our lives. Eric Dodge's mother, Laurel has also inspired me in many ways. She decided one day she was going to work on living a healthy life and lost 115 pounds in the process. I had the chance to read her beautiful blog about her journey. I was so happy I had the opportunity to give her a hug and talk to her on Saturday after the concert in Zion at the OC Tanner Amphitheater. I am truly grateful to the angels in my life.

(Hanna and I watching Eric Dodge's concert)

My best friend, Hanna and my roommates are some of them while Jesus Christ is my biggest example. I thank my Heavenly Father for the gift of His son's atoning sacrifice everyday. I am always continuing to learn more about it each day. It was His gift of love to us. I strive everyday to live up to who He is.  I continue to thank and send my prayers to those who have always prayed for me continuously through my recovery and life. You know who you are. I love you all and for your support. 

Running Is A Gift

Nike says running is a gift. I completely agree. Of course, the greatest gift of all is the atonement, but lately running has been the best thing for me. I am thanking my Heavenly Father than I am able to run like I have been the past few days considering the issues with my knees and my accident six months ago. I used to be able to run a 6 and a half-minute mile. I am currently at 11 minutes, but I have the goal to reach at least 9 or 7 minutes by October. I have been eager to run the 10-mile race connected with the Escalante Canyons Marathon and I'm hoping this year it may happen, God willing.

My other reason for running has come from the inspiration of my friend, Joshua Snow Hansen. Joshua started running a few years ago with the goal to lose 180 lbs, which he did and has continued running and staying healthy in his diet. He quietly has inspired me. He likes to post a lot on Facebook so its hard for me to not see his posts of running and going to the gym in the wee hours of the morning. When I saw this I had the thought.. "I can't do that anymore. I am still so weak and exhausted since the accident. I'll never be the same." Then one day this last week I thought about how I wanted to change my life. I was sleeping in late and staying up late. When you're a lazy person then you are tired. Majority of my day is either running from event to event, interview to interview and sitting on my couch writing stories for my job. I had the desire to get out and go, but I was skeptical if I could. After my appointment with my orthopedic specialist who said I could still run just not to overdo it if my quads aren't strong. I have only ran 1.5 to 2.5 miles during my three runs this week, but I've never had more energy than I can remember in a long time.. I am waking up at 5 a.m. everyday to run and then do various workouts to tone my body. I knew if Joshua could do it so could I. I thank you for  your inspration. You're an example to me everyday. I have always loved running, but it has changed and I appreciate it more than ever now. I can't go a day without thinking about it or doing it. I made an album on Facebook with many inspiring run quotes that describes why I do it. Here are a few.

Without running, my daily prayer, my daily scripture study and other workouts I've noticed I am not enjoying my life like I should. This picture above is so true to me. I get my full life with running.

Yesterday I was feeling really stressed and irritated about some things in my life. I hate being negative or thinking negatively. When I started running though it changed. Running has always been my relief. It gets out all the yucky stuff within you.

Sometimes when I run I feel like death, but as I get into shape and as I get going I enjoy that energy I feel and when you finish a run my body feels better than I can describe in words. Exercise is truly medicine.

I can't forget this one.. You probably think I'm crazy but I like it when I sweat profusely after a long crazy run. It means I got a good workout in and good results are coming from it too. I also am grateful for the example of my sister, Nola and her husband who have ran marathons for the past couple years. I know I may never get that far but a 10 miler and possibly half-marathon could be doable. I am proud to achieve that. I am so grateful for my life and for all that I have. Thank you to all of you for you your continual love and support.

I Shall Believe

When I was in second grade I was reading Roger Hargreaves books from the Escalante Elementary School Library and decided I wanted to be a children's book author. I used to write all kinds of stories of my own, but by the time I was in sixth grade I was writing a little newspaper for the Boulder Elementary. I knew then that I wanted to be a journalist. I was one of the lucky ones who never changed majors in college aside broadening it to a double emphasis of journalism AND broadcasting. My college career ended a year ago, but I am grateful my dream lives. I have many dreams and aspirations in my field as well as in my personal life. I am currently on the stepping stones to become what I want to be professionally, spiritually and so on. I am grateful that God has blessed me how he has. Yesterday ABC4 News made it's first stop on its new "Good 4 Utah Road Tour" at SUU. My former classmate and current news colleague, who works with the station was there and we reflected on the previous year when we were preparing to graduate. Now we see others ready to follow behind us.

I look back and reflect on many things I've been through. The snowboarding accident was five months ago. I previously said I was 100 percent, but 95 is more accurate. The body continues to heal. I want to thank all my friends and family who have kept me in their prayers for the past few months. It means more than I can express. One of my strongest desires is to be back to running again. I know my body is still weak as well as having knee issues again (as I did in Alaska last year). I am hopeful a visit to the orthopedic specialist will help me solve the problem. I thank the Lord I am as strong as I am. I am eager to see how I have healed a year from now.

During the past few months in which I have been away from my blog I have had much reflection on where my life is going. I believe God has opened so many doors and windows for me. He continues to show me who I am and who I will become. While I have had lazy, unmotivational  and downtime moments I have gained a greater sense of what life is about and what God sees in me. I know  the snowboarding accident was sort of a wake up call I, like many of us have made mistakes in life and I know I still do and am very much so an imperfect person. I am grateful for those moments because as the tough times are growing times. My favorite scripture in the Book of Mormon is Alma 26:12. "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea behold many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." I feel like Ammon all the time. I wouldn't make it through anything without my savior and my Heavenly Father. I have realized how weak I am spiritually, physically and emotionally but at the same time I am strong. That strength has been Him with me. I have been fearful for my future lately only because I see my inadequacy and know to become strong I have a lot to go through still, but my excitement is high about life also. My mission president said after I left Montana "Sister Coombs, now that you have done this you can do anything." I know someday I will be in an editor position at a paper or a newscaster at a TV station. I know I can reach those goals. I know I can find the one I am to marry and be a great mom. My life has so many possibilities. God is my steering wheel.

Over the past months I have celebrated my 28th birthday, visited family, spent time with old and new friends and gone on a few dates. The dates haven't proven success, but I know the right one will come when the right time comes. I am also being picky because my decision is to marry once and never divorce. I also want true love. I will not settle just for a kind soul but one I feel the most comfortable with in this world. My focus is on becoming my best self . God has given me that chance. The accident opened my eyes. We are all HERE for a reason and are only taken when that reason has been fulfilled and God is ready for us to make a difference elsewhere. So blessed to be alive and to be here. Thank you all for your love and support I love you all.

(Enjoying a day with one of my sweet roommates)

Living The Journey

Three months since the accident happened and I'm feeling 100 percent. It seems so long ago and now it feels almost like it had never happened. I was able to get back on a snowboard and eliminate the fear I had since the accident. The main factor in the accident had been speed. I got back on a board with the intention of slowing way down Also am finding that my passion for snowboarding isn't as strong. It isn't the fact that I hurt myself, but its just not as exciting to me as it used to be. Most of the snowboarding has been a part of work (switching lift operators from different work stations on multiple chairs). It was enjoyable.

With my roommate at work

However, the news going on is the new job. I have been accepted into the full-time reporter position at the Iron County Today (a  little newspaper in Cedar City). I will have my last day at Brian Head on Saturday. I know the Iron County Today isn't the biggest place, but I learned from my professors that starting small then going up is the way to go. I'm excited to put my skills and degree to work. Its a bitter sweet moment leaving the resort, but I know I need to get out of my comfort zone and move on in the real world. I'm excited, because I know God wants me to grow and learn my potential.

I have no need to be concerned with my future I am so glad I have God to take care of me. Life is good. So blessed to be alive!

I Will Take Care Of You

I was born April 5, 1986. A genetic disease by the name of Tuberous Sclerosis came with me that day and has stayed with me since. My parents had the gene and that gene passed on to me and my 32-year-old brother, Ashley. 

Tuberous Sclerosis is a disease that leave benign tumors in the brain, eyes, heart, kidneys, bones and skin of the individual. My brother got the severity in the brain where he has struggled with reasoning more than I have but we have both lived a normal, happy  and healthy life. When I was six months old I had seizures until the doctors prescribed shots, which eliminated the seizures for life. 

Throughout my adolescence MRIs, check ups and ultrasounds were a regular procedure to keep up on the activity in those organs. Through those years no change has ever been made and reported. If anything ever did happen we were told surgery would proceed. With the fact  that the tumors are non-malignant and not cancerous, worrying hasn't been in our minds. 

On November 19, 2013, I was snowboarding on my day off at Brian Head Resort when I wrecked, lacerated my kidney and bruised my left lung. The doctors decided because of the tumors in my kidney and  abnormalities, surgery and taking the kidney out was not an option they wanted to choose. Since my discharge from the hospital, I have met with my nephrologist in St. George twice.

The condition— Tuberous Sclerosis— isn't something doctors really know much about. It is a rare disease. I have had many experiences where doctors think they know how to handle things and they don't really have a clue.  I have lived with the disease my whole life and all they have done is research. 

Before I went on my mission I went to a doctor I had never been to before, I was there to get a recommendation to remove my tonsils because I had severe tonsillitis that only increased year after year. The solution was to remove them, but this doctor barley looked or considered what I was there for. Instead he looked at me and said "So what do you do for your acne?" I said, "It's not acne. I have Tuberous Sclerosis." He said, "You know you can get those removed with lazer surgery?" It really frustrated me and I told him so.. Here I was getting sick from my tonsils and he brings up something that is not causing me to get sick, something that already had been a self-esteem killer for many years.. There were many days I thought I was not beautiful because my complexion isn't like other girls, but I know that is a lie. I am beautiful! It also made me upset because here I was going to college at the time and money toward that was more important than improving my looks. The other thing is that if you remove the skin tags and spots that Tuberous Sclerosis creates on the skin doesn't mean they will stay away. I have heard they do come back eventually. 

The only doctor I've known who KNEW much of what my disease was really about was my pediatric neurologist at the University of Utah. 

With that said, my new nephrologist still scared me when he DOESN'T know much of anything about my condition except through minimal research. The week before last I was so excited to return to his office and find out how my tests went because previously I was told that my kidneys were only functioning half as much as they should be. In the time between the first appointment and second appointment my nephrologist wanted to find out if the lack of function was present before the accident because of the kidney disease. 

However, when he walked in the room he started going off about how the FDA had approved a pill in 2013 that is to help and possibly cure those with kidney cancer. He went off on how it could help shrink the tumors in my kidneys. He said I have one tumor that is seven millimeters long. He said there is a possibility that when I wrecked may have burst one tumor and started bleeding. The problem with this pill is that it may decrease the size of my tumors in my kidneys, but then comes the side effects of possible other cancers, sores in the mouth and if I ever want to have children there could be birth defects in the fetus. 

As he started telling me all this I started getting scared. Feeling as though he was telling me I could die or that my life could be over, that my kidneys were really failing. I was so scared for my future. The doctor could see it. What he didn't understand though was that I have lived with this my whole life, I've ran track, cross country, snowboarded, hiked and trained for 10-mile races with no issues. 

At the time I was getting scared I felt the spirit stronger that I've felt it in a long time and I heard "Did I not tell you I would take care of you? I will take care of you." I was reminded of a blessing given by my mission president in April and remembering that I was told Heavenly Father would take care of me. If he wanted to take me out of this life he would have during the accident as I lost all the blood, but he didn't! He allowed me to survive and to live. I am not afraid of death. If my disease hasn't killed me by now why would it in the next 30 years or more? Why would I trust to take a pill that could cause more harm that do any good? Why would I take it when the doctor who recommended it had never given it to another patient and didn't really know much about it himself? I know as Heavenly Father has taken care of me through my whole healing process he will take care of me the rest of my life. As the Hymn "Come Listen To A Prophet's Voice" says "Tis not in man they put their trust nor on his arm rely.." I will not rely on man, but I will rely on my God for he knows the path of truth and righteousness.

Thankfully, after the whole spill about this pill, he did tell me that my kidney function had gotten better, that I still lacked the Vitamin D I needed and my parathyroid wasn't functioning well as it should as a result, also my blood count has gone up to 37 and a half now 38 or more.. I was given a recommendation to the Vitamin D supplements, a MRI was ordered for June on my kidneys to see if there has been any change since my last MRI in 2007. I am to get an MRI every 6 months and an ultrasound on them every year just to monitor it. 

I know that I can go on and keep working to become the best that I can be. I am not allowed to snowboard or do contact sports but I can do much more! Today was the best day on the mountain! I reached 98 on my oxygen saturation and my energy is getting up! That's better than ANYONE else on the mountain (even Ski Patrol!!) Can't wait to work out and get back up! 

I am so blessed. I will not give up. I will live my life and live it to the best of my ability. I feel great! The doctors get scared when they see what I'm dealing with and want to fix it but with the help of God I can live a normal life! 

Thank you again to all for love and prayers everyone!

Forever Unstoppable

Life isn't easy. It's not something that comes without LOTS of patience. I've found this out in more ways than one. Both in my healing process and otherwise, but I'm not giving up!! I feel like a new person since my accident as I mentioned in my last blog. I feel like I am taking life much more seriously now, but that still makes it a trying time.

I had to get TONS of blood drawn today for testing for the next time I meet with my nephrologist next week. It sure is sad to get close to not being anemic and then they take blood from you again, but I will get better eventually right?

I named this blog "Forever Ustoppable" because I am fighting some battles, but I am "Forever Unstoppable." There is a song and here are the lyrics and the song you can listen to it. I take what he is saying and put it as a reference of me and my savior or Heavenly Father. When I have him I am "Forever Unstoppable." We all can be that way. Hope you enjoy it!

Forever unstoppable
Forever, forever, forever unstoppable

Falling stars don't crash through your window
If you want it, go get it, it's meant to be chased
All your scars won't heal till you let go
You're perfectly worth it, forget your mistakes
If you wanna fly, leave this world with me
We'll touch the sky, let's defy this gravity
Hold on to me tight, when it all falls down

You can take my heart, if yours won't beat
We're forever unstoppable
If you're torn apart, I'll make you see
That nothing's impossible
When you're broken, and you're shattered
Love will save you from disaster
You can take my heart, if yours won't beat
We're forever, forever, forever unstoppable

Yeah we've both been touched by the same flame
Don't worry, I've got you, I won't let you burn
You and I got played by the same game
We're in it, together, for better or worse
If you wanna fly, leave this world with me
We'll touch the sky, let's defy this gravity
Hold on to me tight, when it all falls down

You can take my heart, if yours won't beat
We're forever unstoppable
If you're torn apart, I'll make you see
That nothing's impossible
When you're broken, and you're shattered
Love will save you from disaster
You can take my heart, if yours won't beat
We're forever, forever, forever unstoppable

There's a feeling inside you,
Just dying to break through,
Open up and set it free
We're on a horizon
Just look in my eyes and you will see

When you're broken, and you're shattered
Love will save you from disaster
You can take my heart, if yours won't beat
We're forever unstoppable

If you're torn apart, I'll make you see
That nothing's impossible

When you're broken, and you're shattered
Love will save you from disaster
You can take my heart, if yours won't beat
We're forever, forever, forever unstoppable
We're forever, forever, forever unstoppable
We're forever, forever, forever unstoppable
Forever unstoppable
Forever unstoppable
Forever unstoppable
Forever unstoppable

A New Year And A New Beginning

 This last week I moved back to Cedar City and I went back to work up at Brian Head Resort. Because I am still healing and the doctors fear for me to get Hypoxia (low oxygen/ altitude sickness) I can only work at the base area and do light duty. I am not allowed to snowboard the rest of the season altho I don't want to especially when I'm concerned about my healing and I don't want to risk getting hurt again. So what I do is just check passes and visit with people, which I enjoy anyway especially when I'm on the bunny hill seeing the kids and my lovely friends—the ski/snowboard instructors!

My oxygen levels are still a bit lower up there ranging from 88 to 93 most often, but I'm still taking my iron and doing my breathing in my spirometer. Hoping of course it gets better.. Today was my third day working straight in a row and I've never been more tired. Going to make sure I get plenty of rest tonight  and tell myself to take it easy if I need to. I'm just happy to be back at work and my day was made today when my friend, Tate (an instructor) said "Holly I'm so glad you're back. We were all so worried about you. You're family." This is why I like working up there. The best people ever! I don't even care that I can't snowboard and go work the other positions. Checking passes and talking to people is the best time ever! It has been wonderful to hear people say they are glad I am back! I am too... Obviously ;)

Aside from work, which is now keeping me busy pretty much everyday (Monday-Friday). I have been spending time with my roommate, Marita. Its been fun being with her. She doesn't have much of anyone besides her boyfriend and it has been fun to have someone to see and talk to everyday. I do miss home, especially time with my mom and her home cooked meals, but having two great roommates has been the best for me coming back. 

I have made some changes through the time I had my accident. It did take awhile for my appetite to come back, since I was starved for two days in the hospital, I was on narcotics for quite some time and I haven't been real strong over the last month, but as it has grown I have only had the cravings for more healthy foods. I do still like my sweets but its not as high of craving as it used to be. I was told to stay hydrated so aside from a glass of orange juice in the morning and maybe one glass of milk I am drinking almost 100 ounces of water per day. It has been great to me to want to eat an apple, grapes, strawberries and veggies instead of a cookie or even a burrito or anything really processed. I know I need to take care of my body and I like the change. I definitely feel better doing so. 

In addition to the healthy eating, much of my other priorities have changed and my future is coming into place. I got my resolutions before the new year. It's strange but true that the accident changed me as a person. I do feel brand new. I feel brand new in my diet, I feel brand new in my goals and desires for the future. My desire for my relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father has grown and I want it to get better. He has helped  me so much. I could have honestly died the day I wrecked. It was a very serious accident, but for some reason God wants me here. I know he has a plan for me and for that I know I CANNOT let him down. He left me here and so I must take care of myself and be the best HE KNOWS I CAN BE!! I am learning patience and humility in my healing. I look forward to strength and improvement in the church.. I will serve him with all my heart. And because of this improvement. I know I will not accept anything less than what he knows I deserve.. I've had some tough times in my life. I've had self-esteem issues and acceptance and fear of rejection issues, but I KNOW I am amazing. I know I am a loved daughter of God. I know I'm a wonderful beautiful woman. I don't mean to say that to brag only to know that I have confidence in me that I KNOW who I am and that I do LOVE ME FOR ME!! And I know I cannot accept any guy lower than what I deserve as I may have in the past. I can't accept anything less than what I deserve.. I am so blessed tho with the friends I have and the family I have.  I want to thank everyone for their love and support and prayers!! I feel them and I know they continue. I thank you all for that!

Love,
Holly